... Grateful ...

I sat down at the table and looked around at the circus happening around me, so many people, so many things going on. Everyone was trying to get everything ready, some of them seemed angry or frustrated because they wanted to make a perfect evening for the rest.

Plates being served, people running around, the sound of silverware clashing and the smell of the dishes prepared in the kitchen invaded the whole room. It was crazy. It was alive. It was something I just noticed. There was a happy mood, a joyfull mood. People wanting to please everyone and wanting to have a good time, arguing, being frustrated and stressed but all because they wanted the people they loved to have a wonderful time.

I stopped to think that I was truly grateful to have people around me. the warmth of love and care. People worrying and trying their best to make things perfect because they think that is what will make you happy. Being with people is trully a big fuss and it is crazy, but the feeling of being someone special for someone and that they would go to the point of getting through some big trouble just make one moment of a day, a special moment for you. Because to them, you matter. That moment with you, it matters.

I turned to the window and saw a guy walking through the street alone, a dry look on his eyes, like if excitement had left his life, and he kept walking strong and with an iron stare, nobody escaped his cold sight. I left out a sigh, some people underestimate the warmth of humankind, that warm essence that makes us be kind and have feelings and be noble to others.

All good feelings come from the gathering of people, those who withdraw themselves from that, they start loosing the sensitive sparkle of blessings. I looked back at the crazy circus that was developing on the next room. People shouting at each other, pushing themselves to bring things to the table, running around setting everything up.

Screaming, laughs and giggles came and went by as the kids ran everywhere. Then everyone started grooming up in another circus. Coat exchanges, make up touch ups, hair dos, people laughing some a bit desperate slapped the hands of those who interruped their grooming process.

Then they all went on to the table and sat down a spark on their eyes and a non visible smile hiden in their lips. I stood up, cleared my throat, look at all of them gathered around the table and addressed them:

"My Dear Family, I want to say that I am thankful for having all of you surrounding my table with your blessings, filling my days with your love and making my moments with you glitter with the magic your life brings to mine, I'd like to let you all know how thankful I am for the time you all took to share love and make the bounds between family tighter and stronger. I now want to thank the nature that produced all this ingredients, the men and women who worked to bring them closer to us, the wonderful cooks who transformed them into this marvellous dishes and god in heaven who now gives us life to enjoy them with the company of all here in this room..."

Steps

I felt the cold wind hitting my face as once more I felt the whip on my back and the feeling of being nothing flew through me once more.

Looking up at my dreams and the whole road to achieve them, thinking of how i should change to make my dreams come true, be another me. The whole process scared me and made me feel unable to do it, so I stand once more on the doorstep of letting people down, letting myself down.

I start feeling down once again. Then suddenly I think that all I've been through might be a waste, all my time, wasted, all my efforts, all my passion and desires. And just like that the little achievements come back to me, parading on my face all I've accomplished, the small things, that to me seem small, but things that for their own reasons other people haven't done.

It wasn't a waste of time, I've grown through this road, I've turned up a better me. I've accomplished things bigger than I thought I could. The obstacles kept coming and without knowing how I surpassed them all and turned everything to my favor. Every experience that has been on my path has helped me grow, on my fight to keep a smile on my face for the world I've overcome challenges that most would freeze on their feet.

Those small victories are just making me sure of one thing. I can do it.

I can do anything I want, I can achieve all my dreams, being me, I have more opportunities to shine in happiness and glory than I could ever have by faking myself. It's time to rise up and go get the personal glory I want. Yes there will be a lot of hardships on the way, let them come, I don't know how, but I will rise from them when the time comes to face them and I'll move closer to my goals, at my speed, at my pace and at my style.

I will let you see I could, because if your reason tells you, you can't do something. If your reason tells you you can't get one of your dreams. Then shut off your reason and go with your heart.

Strong I set a foot on the ground and stand up looking up to the skies. I can do it. I will do it. Because if I am not ready yet to be there, I will be one day, and then, I'll make my dreams come true. But my movement has already started, small steps, but steps towards my goal. Steps towards my personal victory and to show the world that a crazy being like me, was able to do what they said wouldn't be. I will shine because I am on the road to shine, and just because of that I am already shinning.

Wrapped Letters

I turned on the corner and started walking down the street and suddenly something flew right at me and slapped my face. I picked it up it was a pair of letters wrapped in red ribbons.

In the first one someone addressed another person and the second one seemed to be the reply. There was a week of time between them.

Curious I sat on a bench close by and opened the first one that read …

Hello […]:

I have been feeling like a burden lately that has over stayed his welcome, you are coming into your own and have the resolve to go after what you want in life. I could not be prouder. But I do not wish to be a burden or an imposition to you, perhaps it would be best if I say good bye now, and release you from having to be bothered with me.

I have opened my heart and found a wonderful heart in return but I cannot continue to burden you with my problems. You have things of your own to resolve and I know you will. My heart will ache but that is because I am alive, thanks to you.

Tears will be shed, but they will pass and life will go on. I know I may not be making any sense, but I feel that I am holding you back, making you continue to be with me when you have better things to do. I do not wish to be that burden.

I hope you will have the wonderful life you want. I hope you will find someone to love you deeper than the ocean, more sweetly then honey, and as completely as you will love them.

You have meant the world to me.

And for that reason I must let you go.

I hope you will remember a little bit of me.

I will never forget you.

Once I finished it, wiped my eyes for the tears I got by the brief yet sad note and opened the second one.

Dear {…}:

It’s been a while since the stars sparkled in my night sky and I had almost forgotten the warmth of the sun every single day. It has been thanks to you that my world had a twist for the better. I am grateful I met you because for you I wish to be a better person, a better version of me and every day I work to achieve that goal so that I can be someone who brings at least a little joy to your life.

Times have been difficult but I knew what I was stepping into since the beginning, I have to admit that it has not been easy, however I found out that I am able to take more than I believed. So I thank you, my partner, my blessing because whenever I feel like my life is on a gray spot and that there are no reasons why life is worth it, you come back to my memory and give me strength to switch my point of view and move forward in life.

You helped me regain a spark to life I thought it was lost and never coming back. The air through my lungs feels different, the sun on my face and the sweat in my skin, it all makes me feel alive. Thanks to you I now admire the beauties of life and I am able to feel truly grateful for all the blessings life has put into my path.

And now thanks to you now I am able to turn to life and stare at it with a smile on my face, with pride on my past and hope on a dream-come-true future.

So thanks for the time you stayed with me it has been a privilege and all the time you wish to stay by my side it would be an honor to share life with you…

Just please know that without you, my life would not be the same, it might just be a nobody's life, but to me you are a wonderful magnificent treasure who makes and entire difference in this world so I do wish you could stay with me because I trully do love you, slowly it happened but I am completely sure of it ...

...I love you…

Silently I put the letters down and got up, took a deep breath and walked back home. Romeo and Juliet love stories are not fiction, It’s just up to us to create our own story the way we want it to be.

Death XIII

My knees loose their strength and I hit the ground immediately. Slowly, I put my hands on the ground and lift my face, life had a twist I wasn't expecting. Softly the rain showers over my head and shoulders, gently the tiny drops gracefully land on me, moving slowly like a patient and soft yet consistent breeze.

The cold air hits my face and makes me shut my eyes. Within the darkness of my own self I wonder if this is what I wanted, life has turned up somehow that I  didn't expected, while everyone else seems to be comfortable with the situation there is a feeling within me, an uneasiness growing. Everything seems fine however it is not what I wanted, I walked the road everyone wanted their sons to walk, I did my best to make them happy, I wanted to mess up and make mistakes but I always took the right path, a few pushes a side but mostly walked on the path of righteousness.

It all took me through the way of what they expected and moved me further away from what I really wanted, It wasn't much but still as time went by the space separating both roads grew bigger and suddenly I finally stopped moving and saw how the road ahead of me was a path of only what other people could be OK with, but not me. The real me was somewhere else.

Going back to me was going back to the other road, but it was hard moving into a direction that you have been pushing aside all by yourself. My mind played tricks on my me and my actions  when I tried achieving what i wanted and sent me on the opposite directions. At that rate I would never be who I wanted to but who another wanted me to. The situation was terrible, I could feel the desperation in myself of arriving into a zone where I had everything I needed but I was miserable inside.

The view of that future darkened my hopes then all hopes and wishes of grow abandoned me. People wouldn't like me for me because there was no real me, it was only the hopes and wishes of other people but not the real me. But the today me sabotaged me, cornered me and left me with no other choice but to fight back. It seemed I had no choice but to man up. So the basic thing that happened between me and my shadow, was that it knew me too well and it wouldn't let me do as i pleased, but now i realized that if some of us wanted to move on, the other would have to die.

It was time for me to die.

Thoughts, habits and needs are all pulling me back from my true wish. It had to be erased everything so that new things could come along. Wipe out everything, so that new blessings come to me. It sounded bad but it how things are really working out.

Knife in hand I went back to the same spot where I fell down earlier. It is time to murder my own self and in order to do so I found out that  there was still in me. Time was out now. Everything had to change so that I would rise up like a phoenix and soar across the skies and be me.

It was risky, leaving what they wanted you to be, to look for something that could be but was not just the most secure bet on the table. Yet however the certainty within my heart would never allow me to fail when choosing a path to carry on with my life.

I got tired of trying to match everyone's expectations and started taking decisions for myself, murdering the guy everyone knew, the one that pleased everyone, and letting me be. A small sacrifice compared to the rewards coming in future times.

As death comes, life comes as well, when life arrives once more, life has given us a second chance to make our dreams come true. The energy is there in the universe for us to use it and it is willing to side with us as long as we just keep up to the balance. It will be a chance to fly up to the carpet of luck and love by the godess and enjoy the success of the  proud life.

There is a calling within all of us, a calling that makes it worth for everyone to do it, listen and obey, everything would be better. Just ask and the universe will give you anything you want. The time to go back  on tracks and make my life awesome, now that life is in our side.

There is no storm that blows without letting the whole town know about that, so now we are here to listen to the call of the universe to make us better human beings.

Whenever Death comes into our path, it will be because it wants something with us, maybe not yet to the rest in peace of our life, but once after the storm crackles, there's always something good to look after, a small chance, a small change that would make everything worth it.

Samhain

Slowly she walked into the corner of the street and into the woods, she could hear the dry leaves crackle under her feet as she moved through the leaf covered grass, the scent of wet land made her feel the forest around her as the fragrance got stronger. Her hands went by caressing the trees and feeling the surfaces while slowly she moved deeper into the forest.

The wind started blowing and pushing her hair up into the tree's branches as she went down hill moving faster, she could hear a little splash sound so close by there had to be a river streaming near her path. A quick turn and she went faster, feeling her heart beat go faster as she moved closer to the place where the circle of rocks lied.

When she finally arrived she stared at the branches inside the stone circle, she moved around the stones thinking that the dark time was coming upon them, it was time for the night to take over and the moon energy to flow into the earth for 6 months, the horned god had come to an end in his rule. It was the turn of the goddesses to stand up and balance it all, the cold, dark and powerfully deep era was coming.

She looked at the preparations one last time and pulled a little box from her jacket. Once it was out she lit a candle and kneel thanking the spirits of the fire for their help, energy and balance, then the spirits of water, then the spirits of wind and those of earth. Time seemed to stop after wards and the whole forest stood still and quiet as she got up and looked into the circle of stones. One light bend and she threw the candle into the circle.

"It's time, let them come in perfect love and harmony" Where her words as the woods lighted up in fire within the rock circle.

She took a deep breath and spin around in her own feet. She could feel the nature's energy exploding, manifesting within her. She could feel the salamander of fire burst her soul into fire and passion, the mermaids of water calm and submerge her into the deepness of the emotions, the silphs of wind blew her mind off letting her enjoy the moment no worries as the darves of the earth brought jewels to her feet. The whole nature was blessing the ceremony.

She turned around that magic night the spirits from those who left before us came to visit and she could feel the energies coming around her and joining her in celebration, all nature was joining her. It was the time to do it, the communion with mother nature in the Samhain.

She kneel and thank the goddesses for the blessings given to her and went into the woods dancing as the fire purified the energy around it. She went on spinning and spinning around the woods singin and repeating  songs from old times.

Everything was so deep and perfect and she felt so wonderful doing the ceremony. The day the horned god died, the moment when the strenght of the women was at it's rising.

The ceremony went on and she could feel the fire within burning impetuous and her entire body exploding of all the energy that day was bringing. It was time she accepted the new nature within her. So then she moved back to the fire place and felt the energy around ...

As moments went by she could feel the clean energy within her making her bloom into a wonderful flower that was ready to show the world how great her work was...

It was time to be who she really was and shine with extreme power and light. Now she should let all the energy back into the world and become a support of light and good a source of energy for the people to get better. The horned god died and life was still moving other resources were off on track it was time to start planning on how to get things done...

And just do it. 

Magic lies within you.

Sky's the limit.