My knees loose their strength and I hit the ground immediately. Slowly, I put my hands on the ground and lift my face, life had a twist I wasn't expecting. Softly the rain showers over my head and shoulders, gently the tiny drops gracefully land on me, moving slowly like a patient and soft yet consistent breeze.
The cold air hits my face and makes me shut my eyes. Within the darkness of my own self I wonder if this is what I wanted, life has turned up somehow that I didn't expected, while everyone else seems to be comfortable with the situation there is a feeling within me, an uneasiness growing. Everything seems fine however it is not what I wanted, I walked the road everyone wanted their sons to walk, I did my best to make them happy, I wanted to mess up and make mistakes but I always took the right path, a few pushes a side but mostly walked on the path of righteousness.
It all took me through the way of what they expected and moved me further away from what I really wanted, It wasn't much but still as time went by the space separating both roads grew bigger and suddenly I finally stopped moving and saw how the road ahead of me was a path of only what other people could be OK with, but not me. The real me was somewhere else.
Going back to me was going back to the other road, but it was hard moving into a direction that you have been pushing aside all by yourself. My mind played tricks on my me and my actions when I tried achieving what i wanted and sent me on the opposite directions. At that rate I would never be who I wanted to but who another wanted me to. The situation was terrible, I could feel the desperation in myself of arriving into a zone where I had everything I needed but I was miserable inside.
The view of that future darkened my hopes then all hopes and wishes of grow abandoned me. People wouldn't like me for me because there was no real me, it was only the hopes and wishes of other people but not the real me. But the today me sabotaged me, cornered me and left me with no other choice but to fight back. It seemed I had no choice but to man up. So the basic thing that happened between me and my shadow, was that it knew me too well and it wouldn't let me do as i pleased, but now i realized that if some of us wanted to move on, the other would have to die.
It was time for me to die.
Thoughts, habits and needs are all pulling me back from my true wish. It had to be erased everything so that new things could come along. Wipe out everything, so that new blessings come to me. It sounded bad but it how things are really working out.
Knife in hand I went back to the same spot where I fell down earlier. It is time to murder my own self and in order to do so I found out that there was still in me. Time was out now. Everything had to change so that I would rise up like a phoenix and soar across the skies and be me.
It was risky, leaving what they wanted you to be, to look for something that could be but was not just the most secure bet on the table. Yet however the certainty within my heart would never allow me to fail when choosing a path to carry on with my life.
I got tired of trying to match everyone's expectations and started taking decisions for myself, murdering the guy everyone knew, the one that pleased everyone, and letting me be. A small sacrifice compared to the rewards coming in future times.
As death comes, life comes as well, when life arrives once more, life has given us a second chance to make our dreams come true. The energy is there in the universe for us to use it and it is willing to side with us as long as we just keep up to the balance. It will be a chance to fly up to the carpet of luck and love by the godess and enjoy the success of the proud life.
There is a calling within all of us, a calling that makes it worth for everyone to do it, listen and obey, everything would be better. Just ask and the universe will give you anything you want. The time to go back on tracks and make my life awesome, now that life is in our side.
There is no storm that blows without letting the whole town know about that, so now we are here to listen to the call of the universe to make us better human beings.
Whenever Death comes into our path, it will be because it wants something with us, maybe not yet to the rest in peace of our life, but once after the storm crackles, there's always something good to look after, a small chance, a small change that would make everything worth it.
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